Monday 2 June 2014

Short funny jokes for adults

Short funny jokes for adults

Source (gooGle.com.pk)
1. Escalators don’t break down… they just turn into stairs 2. “I’m sorry” and “I apologize” mean the same thing… except when you’re at a funeral. 3. I intend to live forever… or die trying. 4. We never knew he was a drunk… until he showed up to work sober. 5. A clear conscience is usually the sign of a bad memory. 6. A blind man walks into a bar….And a table, and a chair. 7. At what age is it appropriate to tell my dog that he’s adopted? 8. Want to hear a pizza joke…. nah, it’s too cheesy. What about a construction joke? Oh never mind, I’m still working on that one. Did you hear the one about the rope? Skip it. Have you heard the one about the guy in the wheelchair? Never mind, it’s too lame. 9. I used to be in a band, we were called ‘lost dog’. You probably saw our posters. 10. I childproofed the house… but they still get in!

My boss called me into his office today. “We both know you’re not the brightest spark here, Simon,” he said, “but over the last 5 years you’ve never been sick or late and I think you deserve a reward. So, how does a brand new car sound?” “Vrooom! Vrooooom!” I replied.

I lovingly gave my niece a kiss on her cheek upon seeing her at a family get-together. Afterwards, I noticed her wiping her cheek. “Are you wiping off my kiss?”, I asked her. “No”, she smartly replied, “I’m just rubbing it in!”

So Grandpa” asked Dave at his engagement party “your marriage to Grandma is legendary everyone talks about how you two get along so well and never fight, what’s the secret to your marital success?” “Well” said Grandpa Joe after taking a deep puff on his cigar “it all started on the way home from our wedding, we hadn’t gone but a mile when the horse started giving us trouble I gave the horse a little whip and that’s when I heard your Grandma say in a low voice “that’s strike one.” A bit later the horse stopped again “that’s strike two” she said. The third time it stopped she grabbed my shotgun out of my holster and shot it in the head. I was in shock! “What in the world was that all about?” I had protested at the time. “That’s strike one!” she said back to me. “And that is what I owe our marital success to.”

A lady came in for a routine physical at the Doctor’s office . “Here”, said the nurse, handing her a urine specimen container. “The bathroom is over there on your right. The Doctor will be with you in a few minutes.” A few minutes later the lady came out of the bathroom with an empty container and a relieved look on her face. “Thanks! But they had a toilet in there, so I didn’t need this after all!”
So these two roaches, Tom and Oscar, are hanging out next to a dumpster enjoying a snack. “Hey Tom” said Oscar to his friend, “You know that restaurant down the block? I went there yesterday to pick up some scraps, and I couldn’t believe how clean it was, I could practically see my reflection through the shiny waxed floor.” “Oscar” hollered Tom spitting the food out of his mouth, “please not while I am eating!!”


A man died and went to The Judgment, they told him , “Before you meet with God, I should tell you — we’ve looked over your life, and to be honest you really didn’t do anything particularly good or bad. We’re not really sure what to do with you. Can you tell us anything you did that can help us make a decision?” The newly arrived soul thought for a moment and replied, “Yeah, once I was driving along and came upon a person who was being harassed by a group of thugs. So I pulled over, got out a bat, and went up to the leader of the thugs. He was a big, muscular guy with a ring pierced through his lip. Well, I tore the ring out of his lip, and told him he and his gang had better stop bothering this guy or they would have to deal with me!” “Wow that’s impressive, “When did this happen?” “About three minutes ago,” came the reply.

Short funny jokes for adults

 Short funny jokes for adults

 Short funny jokes for adults

Short funny jokes for adults

Short funny jokes for adults

Short funny jokes for adults

 Short funny jokes for adults

Short funny jokes for adults

Short funny jokes for adults

 Short funny jokes for adults

Short funny jokes for adults

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