Funny Jokes for Adults dirty in Hindi with Pictures in Urdu Photos Pics

Monday, 2 June 2014

Very funny jokes for adults

Source (google.com.pk)
"A Lord got married. After the ceremony unmarried friends went to a brothel. Unexpectedly they met the Lord there.
- Lord, what are you doing here now that you are married and have a beautiful young wife?
- Well, she was so tired that fell asleep at once. I thought it is not worth to wake her up for just a few of pounds."

"In the morning Tom calls to his boss:
- Good morning, boss, unfortunately I'm not coming to work today. I'm really sick. I got a headache, stomach ache, and my both hands and legs hurt, so I'm not coming into work."
The boss replies:
- You know Tom, I really need you today. When I feel like this I go to my wife, and tell her to give me sex. That makes me feel better, and I can go to work. You should try that.
2 hours later Bob calls:
- Boss, I followed your advise, and I feel great! I'll be at work soon. By the way, you got nice house."

"One day during the family lunch the youngest son Paul asks his father:
- Daddy, what is the difference between potential and reality?

Daddy turns to his wife and gives her a question:
- Would you sleep with George Clooney for 1 million $?
- Certainly, I would never waste such opportunity, - tells the wife

Daddy turns to his teenage daughter:
- Maria, would you sleep with Brad Pitt for 1 million $?
- Surely! He is my fantasy, his posters are all over the walls of my room.

Daddy turns to his eldest son Raul and asks:
- Would you sleep with Tom Cruise for 1 million $!
Eldest son thinks a little and replies:
- Why not? Imagine what I could do with that money. So yes, I would sleep.

Then daddy turns back to his youngest son Paul and explains him:
- You see, Paul, potentially we are sitting with multi millionaires but in reality we are sitting with two prostitutes and one gay…"

"You stop and pick up a nice hitchhiking girl. Suddenly she loses consciousness and you take her to a hospital. This is stress. In the hospital you are being told that she is pregnant and doctors start congratulating you with the future newborn. You explain that just an hour ago you have seen her for the first time in your life, but she starts telling that you are the father. This is a big stress already. You require for a DNR analysis and they make it. Then the doctors tell you silently, that actually you can't be a father since you are genetically sterile. This is a stress, combined with a relief. On your way back home you remember, that you have three kids. That's what the real stress is."

"- Dady, what is in between mummy's legs?
- A paradise.
- And what's between your's?
- The key.
- So you should change the lock, because our neighbour has a passkey."

Very funny jokes for adults

Very funny jokes for adults

Very funny jokes for adults

Very funny jokes for adults

Very funny jokes for adults

Very funny jokes for adults

Very funny jokes for adults

Very funny jokes for adults

Funny christmas jokes for adults

Source (google.com.pk)
Q - What do monkeys sing at Christmas?
A - Jungle Bells, Jungle bells!

Q - Why are Christmas trees like bad knitters?
A - They both drop their needles!

Q - What's Christmas called in England?
A - Yule Britannia!

Q - What did the bald man say when he got a comb for Christmas?
A - Thanks, I'll never part with it!

Q - Why is a burning candle like being thirsty?
A - Because a little water ends both of them!

Q - What do you get if you cross an apple with a Christmas tree?
A - A pineapple!

Q - What do you give a train driver for Christmas?
A - Platform shoes!

Q - What did the big candle say to the little candle?
A - I'm going out tonight!

Q - What happens to you at Christmas?
A - Yule be happy!

Q - How long does it take to burn a candle down?
A - About a wick!

Q - What did the guest sing at the Eskimo's Christmas party?
A - Freeze a jolly fellow!

Q - What party game did Jekyll like best?
A - Hyde and Seek!

Q - Did you hear about the man who went to the fancy dress party as a bone?
A - A dog ate him in the hall!

Q - What would you do if you saw Dracula, Frankenstein & The Swamp Thing?
A - Hope they were going as a fancy dress party!

Q - Why couldn't the butterfly go to the Chistmas ball?
A - It was a moth ball!

Q - How did the chickens dance at the Christmas party?
A - Chick to chick!

Q - Did you hear about Dracula's Christmas party?
A - It was a scream!

Q - Did you hear about the party with lots of fireworks, balloons & crackers?
A - It went with a bang!

Q - What did Dracula say at the Christmas party?
A - Fancy a bite?

Q - Why couldn't the skeleton go to the Christmas Party?
A - He had no body to go with!

Q - Knock Knock
A - Who's there?

Q - Mary
A - Mary who? Mary Christmas!

Q - What did one Angel say to the other?
A - Halo there!

Q - How to cats greet each other at Christmas?
A - "A furry merry Christmas & Happy new year"!

Q - What do elephants sing at Christmas?
A - No-elephants, no elephants!

Q - What does Dracula write on his Christmas cards?
A - Best vicious of the season

Q - What do angry mice send to each other at Christmas?
A - Cross mouse cards!

Q - How do sheep greet each other at Christmas?
A - A merry Christmas to ewe

Q - What does Father Christmas write on his Christmas cards?
A - ABCDEFGHIJKMNOPQRSTUVWXYZ (No-L!!)!

"David remembers accompanying his father out shopping in the toy department of Macy's one Christmas Eve.

Dad said, 'What a marvellous train set. I'll buy it.'

The girl behind the counter looked pleased and murmured, 'Great, I'm sure your son will really love it.'

Dad replied with a glint in his eye, 'Maybe you're right. In that case I'll take two.' "

Funny christmas jokes for adults

Funny christmas jokes for adults

Funny christmas jokes for adults

Funny christmas jokes for adults

Funny christmas jokes for adults

Short funny jokes for adults

Source (gooGle.com.pk)
1. Escalators don’t break down… they just turn into stairs 2. “I’m sorry” and “I apologize” mean the same thing… except when you’re at a funeral. 3. I intend to live forever… or die trying. 4. We never knew he was a drunk… until he showed up to work sober. 5. A clear conscience is usually the sign of a bad memory. 6. A blind man walks into a bar….And a table, and a chair. 7. At what age is it appropriate to tell my dog that he’s adopted? 8. Want to hear a pizza joke…. nah, it’s too cheesy. What about a construction joke? Oh never mind, I’m still working on that one. Did you hear the one about the rope? Skip it. Have you heard the one about the guy in the wheelchair? Never mind, it’s too lame. 9. I used to be in a band, we were called ‘lost dog’. You probably saw our posters. 10. I childproofed the house… but they still get in!

My boss called me into his office today. “We both know you’re not the brightest spark here, Simon,” he said, “but over the last 5 years you’ve never been sick or late and I think you deserve a reward. So, how does a brand new car sound?” “Vrooom! Vrooooom!” I replied.

I lovingly gave my niece a kiss on her cheek upon seeing her at a family get-together. Afterwards, I noticed her wiping her cheek. “Are you wiping off my kiss?”, I asked her. “No”, she smartly replied, “I’m just rubbing it in!”

So Grandpa” asked Dave at his engagement party “your marriage to Grandma is legendary everyone talks about how you two get along so well and never fight, what’s the secret to your marital success?” “Well” said Grandpa Joe after taking a deep puff on his cigar “it all started on the way home from our wedding, we hadn’t gone but a mile when the horse started giving us trouble I gave the horse a little whip and that’s when I heard your Grandma say in a low voice “that’s strike one.” A bit later the horse stopped again “that’s strike two” she said. The third time it stopped she grabbed my shotgun out of my holster and shot it in the head. I was in shock! “What in the world was that all about?” I had protested at the time. “That’s strike one!” she said back to me. “And that is what I owe our marital success to.”

A lady came in for a routine physical at the Doctor’s office . “Here”, said the nurse, handing her a urine specimen container. “The bathroom is over there on your right. The Doctor will be with you in a few minutes.” A few minutes later the lady came out of the bathroom with an empty container and a relieved look on her face. “Thanks! But they had a toilet in there, so I didn’t need this after all!”
So these two roaches, Tom and Oscar, are hanging out next to a dumpster enjoying a snack. “Hey Tom” said Oscar to his friend, “You know that restaurant down the block? I went there yesterday to pick up some scraps, and I couldn’t believe how clean it was, I could practically see my reflection through the shiny waxed floor.” “Oscar” hollered Tom spitting the food out of his mouth, “please not while I am eating!!”

A man died and went to The Judgment, they told him , “Before you meet with God, I should tell you — we’ve looked over your life, and to be honest you really didn’t do anything particularly good or bad. We’re not really sure what to do with you. Can you tell us anything you did that can help us make a decision?” The newly arrived soul thought for a moment and replied, “Yeah, once I was driving along and came upon a person who was being harassed by a group of thugs. So I pulled over, got out a bat, and went up to the leader of the thugs. He was a big, muscular guy with a ring pierced through his lip. Well, I tore the ring out of his lip, and told him he and his gang had better stop bothering this guy or they would have to deal with me!” “Wow that’s impressive, “When did this happen?” “About three minutes ago,” came the reply.

Short funny jokes for adults

Short funny jokes for adults

Short funny jokes for adults

Short funny jokes for adults

Short funny jokes for adults

Short funny jokes for adults

Funny jokes for adults short

Source (google.com.pk)
"Here we poke fun at the people who pretend to be over-smart. Some people think that they are very genius that we can not smell what's happening in their mind. But they catch her. I know she is not beautiful so that is why she makes crazy faces in pictures. After reading 'ugly on purpose' statement, no-one can control their laughter.

When will Persian cats begin to join the armed forces?
When you cut their furlough."

"Him: I kiss my Wife everyday before I leave for Office, what about you?
Me : Me too, after you leave!!

What a lovely surprise to finally discover how unlonely being alone can be.

The doctor comes out into the waiting room for the next patient. He's shocked to see a man sitting there with a frog growing out of his head. The doctor's cries, "Oh my god, how did that happen?"
The frog answered "I don't know; it began as a pimple on my but-t."

One day little sunny and his friend were playing by a stream. Sunny noticed a bush and went over to it. His friend couldn't figure out why sunny was at the bush for so long so he went over to the bush to have a look. The two boys were looking at a woman bathing without any clothes in the stream.
While playing, suddenly little sunny took off running. His friend couldn't understand why he had run away so he took off after him. Finally, he caught up to him and asked why he had run away. Little Johnny said, "My mom told me if I ever saw a naked lady
I would turn to stone, and I felt something getting hard, so I ran."

"The right joke when you want to make punch on those small height people. Their forehead touches the ground, LoL. Thank God they don't fall down and roll!

Never ask for the ‘High Five' from a short person, you can ask for a ‘Low Five'!

Yo mama so small she poses for trophies!

The surprising thing you can hear from a midget is 'Your hair smells good'.

He asked me: How's the weather up there? and I replied: Its warm, how's it down there?

Girl goes on a party but on her way she hits a small car. the car stops and a dwarf comes out. He runs to the girl's cars and yells "I am not Happy!" so she replies: "Then which one are you?"

Once a midget gets on an elevator and somehow pushes the button to go up, just before the door closes, a hand comes through and opens the door. In steps a very large black man. The short man stares and says "You're the biggest man I have ever seen." The man nods his head, and replies "I'm 6-10, weigh 286 lbs., and I repair fax machine, I'm Turner Brown." He faints! After coming too, the dwarf asks the man to repeat himself. So he does, "I said I'm 6-10, weigh 286 lbs., I repair fax machines, my name is Turner Brown." He looked relieved and started laughing. "For a minute there, I thought you said ‘I am a s ex machine, Turn Around'."

Girl having Lessor height goes to the doctors with a sore fanny, she says can you cure it doctor, he says yes, goes down below with a pair of scissors.
After he finished, she asks: Have you cured it.
Yes, doctor says
But how? Girl asks?
I just cut two inches off the top of your wellies!!

Funny jokes for adults short

Funny jokes for adults short

Funny jokes for adults short

Funny jokes for adults short

Funny jokes for adults short

Funny jokes for adults short

Funny jokes for adults short

Funny jokes for Adults short

Funny jokes for adults short

Funny jokes for adults dirty

Source (google.com.pk)
“A small boy asks his Dad, "Daddy, what is politics?" Dad says, "Well son, let me try to explain it this way: I'm the breadwinner of the family, so let's call me Capitalism. Your mom, she's the administrator of the money, so we'll call her the Government. We're here to take care of your needs, so we'll call you the People. The nanny, we'll consider her the Working Class. And your baby brother, we'll call him the Future. Now, think about that and see if that makes sense." So the little boy goes off to bed thinking about what Dad has said. Later that night, he hears his baby brother crying, so he gets up to check on him. He finds that the baby has severely soiled his diaper. The little boy goes to his parents' room and finds his mother sound asleep. Not wanting to wake her, he goes to the nanny's room. Finding the door locked, he peeks in the keyhole and sees his father having sex with the nanny. He gives up and goes back to bed. The next morning, the little boy says to his father, "Dad, I think I understand the concept of politics now." The father says, "Good, son, tell me in your own words what you think politics is all about." The little boy replies, "Well, while Capitalism is screwing the Working Class, the Government is sound asleep, the People are being ignored and the Future is in Deep Shit.”

" A guy walks into a bar looking really moody, and orders a double-whiskey. Then he starts rambling on about how lousy a wife he's got, until the bartender finally says: "You know, I don't understand what you're complaining about. All the”

" A large family were going to have Thanksgiving dinner together. The two grandmas of the family were sick of people eating the pudding the night before, so they hatched a plan: They put BB-gun pellets in the pudding so they could see who ate it. The next morning, Little Johnny came down from his room and said, "Grannie, Grannie, there were BB-bun pellets in my pee pee last night." Then Little Sally came down and said, "Grandma, there were BB-gun pellets in my pee last night." Then Big Tom came down yelling, "Help! Help! I just shot my girlfriend in the mouth. She went down fine but came up with a hole going right through her tongue and out the side of her mouth!”

"A teacher is teaching a class and she sees that Johnny isn't paying attention, so she asks him, "If there are three ducks sitting on a fence, and you shoot one, how many are left?" Johnny says, "None." The teacher asks, "Why?" Johnny says, "Because the shot scared them all off." The teacher says, "No, there are two left, but I like how you're thinking." Then Johnny asks the teacher, "You see three women walking out of an ice cream parlor. One is licking her ice cream, one is sucking her ice cream, and one is biting her ice cream. Which one is married?" And the teacher responds, "The one sucking her ice cream." Johnny says, "No, the one with the wedding ring, but I like how you're thinking!”

“Arnold Schwarzenegger has a big one, Michael J. Fox has a small one, Madonna doesn't have one, The Pope has one but doesn't use it, Dominique Strauss-Khan uses his all the time. What is it? A last name! And shame on you for thinking it was something else.”

Funny jokes for adults dirty

Funny jokes for adults dirty

Funny jokes for adults dirty

Funny jokes for adults dirty

Funny jokes for adults dirty

Funny jokes for adults dirty